Service Slave

Typecasting in the industry...

2008-01-09T14:19:00.000-08:00

Over the years in my line of work in food service and retail I have been witness to some patterns in both areas. Obviously my experience is a very small percentage of the whole industry but I find it odd that the same similarities hold true from place to place. In restaurants for instance: the chef is the touchiest person you will ever meet, the bartender is an alcoholic, the dishwashers are the hardest working people in the place and never speak English, and the busser that seems stoned all the time is stoned all the time. In retail: the District Manager is either on speed or really just the most wound up person on earth, the management never knows what's going on (I am one of them so I can say that with all humility and honesty), and least one associate is robbing you blind, and the receiver is the second touchiest person you will ever meet. Maybe this is just my experience withing my ten years of watching and remembering...anyone else find this to be true??
On a side note....I HATE INVENTORY!! For the first time in my life I am working for a corporate business that does not use Regis to do its inventory (if you work in retail you know how crazy that is). This is a pain in the ass because we don't have a great inventory system to start with. Our back stock is insane and apparently our customers like to eat price tags because I think we are missing tags on half our merchandise. This means going through everything by hand and writing out tickets. Not fun...plus our scanning day starts at 4a.m. All I can say is there better be free coffee...buckets of it.
Oh and by the way...I am up for a promotion. I should be hearing about it in the next few days so if i get it there will be a very big "Wheehoo!!!" post. If I don't get it there will still be a "Wheehoo!!!" post but with drunken undertones. Cross your fingers.

The bears know whats going on...

2007-12-30T11:34:00.000-08:00

I wish humans could hibernate. Then I would have an excuse to leave society for a spell and no one would question my motives. In my essence I am a solitary creature. Whether this is the way I have always been or if it is the by product of years of being more and more disappointed by the world around me...I think its a little of both. Thus the lack of new posts. Plus as we are all aware...I work in two places that find themselves overwhelmed at this time of year. Now that the "holiday" season is almost over I have time to breath. Plus for the first time in a long time I have two consecutive days off...and they fall over a weekend! Don't look directly at them...like the sun...they are a wonder but they will burn your eyes. For my first day off yesterday I ran errands. That is really what days off are for workaholics...a chance to do the things we are too busy working to do otherwise. For instance...buy garbage bags and kitty litter. Then come the chores like cleaning up the clutter a.k.a. all the crap I pile in the hall when I get home and the dreaded laundry. Not really much of a day off. However, I have that blessed anomaly of the second day off that I have so far filled with catching up with my reading of the magazines piled on the table, watching some netflixed movies (for a self named geek I still had not seen the Simpson's movie....shame on me...now I can hold my head up high and sing spider pig along with everyone else), and making an omelet. Eventually I scraped my butt out of my chair and am now my local coffee joint to spew forth a long delayed post. What will I do with my remaining free time?? Order a pizza and split time between another movie and perhaps some Bookworm Adventure. Ah.... I am self aware enough to realize that I am in danger of becoming a hermit. (I blame it on technology for making it so easy...I can order groceries on line for crying out loud.) The thing is I work with and around tons of people everyday and when I get away from there I would rather be alone...for the most part I don't annoy me.
Speaking of...in retail we have an interesting thing called a return policy. I wish there were some kind of law drafted around this idea because with every store in existence having a different one it can get a bit sketchy if not dangerous to enforce. At this time of year my store is pretty lenient. People bring items in that were bought six months ago and say that they were for gifts and they didn't work out...blah blah blah. Our normal policy is 30 with receipt. So right now we are giving back full refunds unless they don't have a receipt then its a merchandise credit. I think this is pretty fair. However you get the people who come in with an item with no tags, no receipt, no idea what was paid for the item but want the money put back on their credit or debit card. NO no no no no no.....a million times no. That is credit card fraud. Plain and simple. No one seems to get this though. My most hated moment is when someone comes in with a receipt and wants to return the item but the card they hand me is not the card (or last four digits) on said receipt. When I point this out nine times out of ten they tell me that the card was either lost or stolen and this is the new card. Apparently a lot of people are losing their credit cards because this happens a lot. I almost always give in (all that customer service crap) but I try to get the point across that we can't put money back on a card whose numbers do not match. No matter how nicely I say it people get seriously pissed. It's like I've accused them of stealing or something. One guy took it upon himself to turn to the rest of the people in line and yell..."I hope you guys never get your wallet stolen because you might get hassled about it by some clerk!" Yes, the some clerk was me. I usually want them to ask for a manager because then I get the small joy of saying, "Certainly, how can I help you?" This is right along the lines of the woman a few days ago that freaked out on one of my associates for asking for her driver's licence to process a check. 1.) Who writes checks anymore other than old people (sorry, mom, but is called a check card..they are awesome...get one). The only time I write them is for rent and that is it. 2.) If you are the kind of person who writes checks you should know that anyone is going to ask for ID. 3.) If we didn't ask for ID and someone was writing a check in your name that we took and you found out about it you would be pissed. Anyway, she handed over her licence and the associate also asked for a phone number. The lady, honest to god, grabbed the check out of his hand and proceeded to shred into little pieces and say "If this is how you treat people around Christmas then I am never coming back!!" WHAT??? FYI crazy lady...I was kind of hoping we weren't going to see you ever again so, Merry Christmas to you, it's what I've always wanted.
In case I don't post before then....HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Let's hope 2008 yields great things for all in the service industry....big tips and patient, happy customers!
Now onto ordering my pizza online....mmmmmmmm!

karma is a bitch

2007-12-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

Why am I incapable of keeping my mouth shut? Oh, yeah, because I’m me.
So here’s the deal. Anyone who works in the industry, or any job for that matter, knows all about the backstabbing and gossip that goes on between coworkers. It’s a strange phenomenon really. Even people who like one another seem to get in on the clawing and scratching. I have been witness to this with every job I have ever worked. Sadly I have also participated. This brings us around to the current situation.
I work with this girl who’s lifestyle is completely different from mine. Where I am the stay in, movie watching, Harry Potter reading, blog writing, mostly “clean” lifestyle (for example: nothing goes in my nose except for the occasional finger or Kleenex if you catch my meaning) living, and go to bed early if I have to work the next day(ing) kind of person, she is the opposite. This is all fine and well because it is her personal life and her own business. Until it comes to working with her. Its just this, I bust my ass working hard over 40 hours a week at just ONE of my jobs. Getting there on time and putting in the best work I can do in the time allotted. There have been more than several occasions where this coworker in particular either called in sick or came in very late for her shift and I felt bad for her being ill so much. Then I would later find out that it was because she was hung over, or she was strung out, or she was passed out in the bed of some guy that she did not remember. The way I find all this out is through other people or surprisingly, she tells us. I recall one conversation, with the office door wide open so it would have been so easy for an associate to hear, where she was regaling me with tales from the night before that involved numerous substances of illicit origin and certain sexual positions that I though were illegal in Wisconsin. My point being you can do whatever you want in your own time but when it starts affecting my work and my well being then we have a problem. One day I came in to find that she had gone home early. This left me as the only manager there so I could not leave the store a.k.a. my break was fucked. I like my breaks, they keep me from killing people. I find out a few days later that it was because she had been up until 6am drinking and was hung over. Plus her work had been piling up for days and was getting to the ridiculous point. Exasperated and concerned one day in the office I confided in another manager that I thought the girl in question was irresponsible and seemed overwhelmed with her work load. The other manager agreed and we had a little shit fit there in the office. Speed ahead to the next week at a managers meeting where the girl does her presentation and then takes a deep breath and says “I just wanted to let everyone know that the backstabbing and snide comments can all stop about me now. If you think I haven’t heard any of it you are wrong and I am hurt and appalled that I had to find out from gossip what everyone thinks of me. This isn’t directed toward any one person I just though everyone should know that I am going to be keeping my personal life to myself and you will never hear me talk about it again.” Yeah. Then she followed honestly with some trailing sentence about how if she ever ran into “whoever” outside of work she would let them have it. Double yeah.
Just so we know, yes, talking behind someone’s back is crappy. I am aware. I am also not so stupid to think that people don’t do it about me. Obviously someone was talking about me because how else would this girl find out what I said? I can’t tell what I am more upset about. I feel guilty about making her feel bad but I am also extremely pissed that the other manager would tell her what I said. I can’t imagine sitting with someone and saying, “hey guess what crappy thing so and so said about you”. Plus I have a feeling what I did say got blown out of proportion because I have run it over in my head a thousand times and I never meant to imply that she was a bad person. I just thought she was making poor choices. I’m not justifying what I did because saying something nasty about someone that you think they will never hear is just as bad and saying it to their face. I got my karma. It’s knowing who to trust at work. Apparently its no one.
Plus we all have our periods….so you know that didn’t help.

Snowstorms...

2007-12-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

We got a bit dumped on here in Wisconsin. Lucky enough to have the morning off I was sleeping in and upon waking noticed that I could not see out of my skylight anymore. Obviously perplexed I looked out the downstairs windows and sure enough...snow. I love the first snow. Even though around here it happens every year the first snow still feels like a novelty. I enjoyed it through my windows and unpacked the necessary snow gear: puffy coat, knit hat, waterproof snow boots. When I say necessary I am alluding to necessary for a normal human being in conditions like this. I find, especially in my customer base at the store, that people do not dress according to the weather. I'm not talking people transplanted here from L.A. or Texas who don't know whats going on but East Coasters who get some of the worst snowstorms in the United States. For instance, the snow was piling up and starting to turn into small ice pellets that seemed to be hurled to the ground by extraordinary force. It was cold, very windy, extremely icy and feeling pretty miserable by the time I hit downtown. Then came the statement that I repeated to whoever would listen all day. Let me set the scene: two girls in front of me with leggings, short jackets, no hats, no gloves, and...UGG boots (obviously either coasties or wanna-be chicoasties). One girl says to the other "God, I just hate it when it snows here, it totally ruins the leather on my boots!" It took all the kindness left in me not to push both of them into the snow.
I just had to get that story out. On to other things. The Holiday season is upon us as I am sure you are all aware. In my world of both working in retail and serving tables the holidays tend to bring about a strange unbalance. My retail business goes up while the money I make serving goes down. One has to see that these are related. Everyone is frenzied picking up gifts for everyone they know, plus travel expenses, holiday parties (meaning new outfits), etc. This requires spending quite a bit of money. Yea for retail...bring in everything you've got and I will wrap it, bag it, and send you on your way lighter (I have sales projections to make people). All of this comes around to screw me, though, when these haggard shoppers come for delicious food. Low tippage. Holiday benevolence does not extend to tipping apparently. If you are unfortunate to serve tables ON a holiday it's sometimes a different story...then you get pity tips. I found this out years ago as a barrista on X-mas eve. People come in willing to pay the money for food but then when they get the bill they remember all the money they spent on gifts and short me on $$. I have very few people to buy for this year. For the first time in about five years I am single over the holidays and do not have the significant other extravagant gifting to do. Think of all the money I will save....sigh. However, I have been tipping like crazy anytime I can. As a server I find I over tip anyway but now I am shelling out dollars whenever I can hoping to create good tip Karma. (You are welcome surly early morning starbucks barrista who still put whip cream on my hot chocolate...I said no whip cream dammit). The moral of this long winded story is: be nice to your server, its not their fault that you were in line to buy an overpriced gaming system. Give them at least 15%...20% if you don't want coal in your food.

Smell that?? It's the stench of Black Friday...

2007-11-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is indeed that time of year. The time for "Door Busters", red and green, christmas music, the biggest retail day of the year, and me: tearing my hair out while in the office and curled up in the fetal position. Okay, I guess it's not that bad. My store is actually in a location where we aren't really affected by this devil day as much as malls and big box stores. However, I have worked in malls during this time and to this day I am surprised that I managed not to kill anyone. Between the blaring christmas carols and overuse of "holiday colors" it's hard not to go insane. And that's not even including the customers.
I will never understand why anyone still shops on this day. The deals aren't even that great. Wait a few weeks and the price will drop anyway. (I like to buy my christmas presents AFTER the holiday...whee hoo...now that's a sale) Getting up at 3am to get to Kohls or Wallmart at 4am to get some new version of a toy that makes so much noise you are going to take the battery out five minutes after you kid starts playing with seems to have very little logic behind it. But you see, I am a sane person....relatively speaking. Or maybe I'm not...I work in retail mind you...I believe it takes a special kind of crazy to do this job.
Anyway, I work this entire weekend...in fact I work doubles EVERY day because in my insanity I picked up shifts for people at the restaurant so they could go home for Thanksgiving. Oh well, I have to keep reminding myself...money good...money good...money pay bills. My entry after this weekend will see if I made it through okay. I am going to assume I will...thinking positive wards off cancer or something like that.

In honor of Thanksgiving here are ten things I am thankful for:

1.) My family: holy crap they are so weird but so cool. I don't know how i got this lucky. Mom and Dad if you are reading this I'm not kissing ass....I love you guys. (Okay I'm kissing ass a little I still owe you $300)
2.) My jobs. Ironic considering the blog but I am lucky to be where I am. My degrees are in something else entirely and I have worked my way up from the bottom. One day I aspire to only have one job and still afford my life...we will see.
3.) My cat. Have I mentioned the cat? If not that's strange considering I talk about him ALL the time. When you live alone and work all the time its the cat that keeps you sane. Mine is apparently bulimic and a spaz but I loves him all the same.
4.) Shoes...enough said.
5.) Loft apartments...stairs make you feel like you own a condo...even though you don't.
6.) Experience. Some of it sucks...sometimes you want to erase them from you life...but if you did you wouldn't learn from them. Or in my case learn from them then make the same mistake again then learn from it for real.
7.) Cheese. And its not just because I live in Wisconsin. Cheese rocks...mmmmmm.
8.) Comedy DVDs that make me feel better when I am down...Kids in the Hall, Scrubs, Monty Python, Family Guy.
9.) My coworkers/friends. I only have friends that I work with or have at one time worked with. I don't get out much...so these people are like my family...only more weird and extremely dysfunctional.
10.) Having to work hard to narrow down what I am thankful for because there are too many to list...how great is that??

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Stories from the weekend...

2007-11-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

So this was a weekend made for incidents. There was a University event in town that carries it's own notoriety for people in my line of work. Lets just say it brings in a lot of people that we Sconnies like to call "Coasties" as well as lots of other out-of-towners that are mostly drunk.
If I had lots of time I would be able to fill pages and pages of this blog on things that happened this weekend alone. Not being able to pick one, here are some highlights from both jobs.
Retail first: 1.) Coastie mom who is four people back in my line at the check out who insists on asking me multitudes of questions as if she is first in line. She actually yelled over the heads of the unfortunate people ahead of her who were cool enough to roll their eyes and give me a conspiratory sigh. I ended up having to leave my line to help her and then she ignored me for five minutes. You are the type of person who created the hate against people from the East coast. This is not New York or New Jersey. We are nice Midwestern people. You and your AmEx card can go jump in one of our beautiful lakes...take your daughter with you...she sucks too. 2.) People who return things on Saturdays. I know that weekends are when people with normal jobs do their errands. But, seriously, I have a line of 11 people and when you get up to the front you not only have a return but a huge return from over two months ago. Then comes the snit you get into when I give you a merchandise credit because you don't even have your receipt. 3.) In that same vein of thought: people who turn in applications on Saturdays. And it's not like this guy waited in line either. NO, you chose to not only cut to the register that had no one manning it and then stand there trying to get my attention. By the way...I was ignoring you and you are automatically not hired. 4.) This is the one that really pissed me off. I shall direct my rage to the person in question: To the girls who knew that I knew they were shoplifting. I DARE YOU TO COME BACK IN. I double dog dare you. I remember your face and if you do it again believe I am going to bust your ass...the gloves are off and good luck with your police record. By the way...the fact that you did it while your mom was there is sick.
5.) Do you see the hook attached to that garment? What did you think that was for? Decoration? No, it was to hang the garment back up after you look at it...not spear it on the peg or toss it on the floor. The same goes for hangers and neatly folded piles. At least try to be a person with a brain and opposable thumbs....grrrrrr.
Now for the restaurant (yes, i worked at both this weekend...I am a glutton for punishment): 1.) Table of ten people. When I announce the specials to large groups I go over everything to help them with their choices. Very clearly I went over the salad and soup offerings and also showed where they are located on the menu. Therefore, when I start to take our orders why are you asking me what the salads are? And then, why is the person next to you, who just heard me going over what the choices are asking me AGAIN what the choices are? Everyone at the table did this...it was like I had walked into another dimension or something. One where time, space, and intelligence had no bearing. 2.) %15 of $100 is $15....this is basic math. Even I can do it...why can't you? 3.) Again with the coastie moms...grabbing my arm with your pincher like grip and freakishly long nails will not make me respect you...it will make me want to accidentally get au jus on your fucking Louis Vuitton bag. Don't fuck with me. I am your server, not your daughter and it's not my fault she is only having a plain baked potato...maybe if you weren't a bitch she wouldn't have an eating disorder.
Now, that's not to say the weekend was without merit. The store had an amazing weekend...the best I've seen since I've worked there. Granted it was trashed by the time it was over but well worth it in $$. We also found out who the awesome employees were by the amount of effort they put into the store and having it run smoothly...thanks guys!! And at the restaurant no body crawled up my ass too far. Small miracles. And I have today off.....

In an unrelated thought....one of the best things about serving tables for so long is the incredible sense of balance you can achieve. I don't mean mental balance by any means but the ability to balance plates and things. Like carrying a latte and cookie and water up a flight of stairs without spilling a drop. I have to be proud of the small stuff....

Fuck Ann Landers...

2007-11-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's right....Fuck you, Ann Landers. I'm sure some of you are aware of what I am referring to...that lovely piece written years ago by Ms. Landers regarding customers and how they are the core of any business and should be treated as such. Basically she says that the customer is #1 and we as retailers should be bending over and taking it from them. Anyone who has worked in retail has probably seen this gem tacked up in the breakroom or published in the weekly newsletter. Google it, its a great read. My point in giving good ol Anne the finger is that I am fairly certain that she NEVER worked in retail. Which means she never: had someone call her a cock sucking bitch when told they could not do a cash return, finished a display only to come back a second later to find it demolished (not touched, DEMOLISHED), cleaned all sorts of bodily fluids out of fitting rooms (to date, a used condom is #1 on my list), or followed around shoplifters who knew that you knew they were stealing but also knew that you couldn't do anything about it. Now I know the old saying about a few rotten apples spoiling the barrel...not all people who visit my store are drooling ogres. However, I am beginning to feel that at least 70% are, in fact, drooling ogres. Why is it so hard to pick something up off the floor when you drop it? One of my coworkers watched a girl shopping a display a few days ago. She managed to knock half the items off the rack which then fell on the floor. She looked up, looked at him, looked at the items, looked at him again, then walked away. We are not talking some geriatric who cannot bend down anymore. This was a young 20 something with the requisite UGG boots and leggings. She knew better, she just didn't care. Therein lies the problem. People don't care...but I still do. After being in retail for a decade I am still amazed everyday at work by these people who show complete disregard for my work environment as well as my career. Yes. I am here to help you, even pick up after you, and make this a great place to shop. I am not here to clean up after your nasty ass. I am not here to take your abuse because you could not be bothered to read the back of your receipt or you came in when you only have five minutes to spare and now are in a hurry and there is a line. Not my problem. Oh, and homeless smelly guy: I am not here to look the other way when you come in once a week to try and steal gloves. I have two jobs to afford my life, you should try it.
Now, I know that I could quit. But here's the thing. I love what I do. I only wish I could love it a little bit more because I had one day where some dumb ass wasn't pissing me off. And, no, again, we do not have a public restroom...you should have gone before you left...please don't pee in the fitting rooms.

In a side note...I am currently sitting in a coffee shop using their wonderfully free wi-fi and next to me is a table of what seems to be three mildy intelligent people, and not as I was assuming-gorillas, who are allowing a hell beast of a child to run rampant all over the place. This is involving all the normal table pounding, running, screaming, and knocking shit over. And none of the three non-gorillas are doing a damn thing about it. In fact I think one of them actually said "oh, isn't he cute". Now mind you this area is packed with sharp edged corner tables and concrete flooring...is it wrong of me to want the kid to hurt himself? I just really want him to put an eye out....
I think I may need a massage or something...

Okay, I'll start...

2007-11-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

Someone has to be first...and that first is me.
Hi, I just wanted everyone to know that "bathroom" is not my name. When you, as a customer, come up to me and say "bathroom?" I will say "no...Megan" (BTW, not my name suckers) . I'm sorry, I am an educated human being who appreciates pronouns and verbs and constructive sentences. And by the way....no we do not have a restroom. I have had to modify this to now include "we do not have a PUBLIC restroom" due to the fact that if I simply say we have no restroom I get the smart ass who asks if we pee on on the floor. Or my other favorite: "but my kid really has to go". Yes, they do have to go...they have to go out the door and find someplace else to shit their pants. Maybe you should have listened to them half an hour ago when they were tugging on your sleeve and saying "potty" or something along those lines...you were too busy...ignoring them is a full time job...now I am going to ignore you....have fun with poopy pants.

And here is an oldie but goodie from years ago when I worked in a small Irish pub known for their comfort food, i.e. all you can eat salad bar: In walks a couple. They are a big couple. I am not going to say "fat". Suffice it to say that these two are not fond of stairs or celery. Here is what they order: Appetizer: Fried mushrooms. Entree: two half fried chickens with heavy batter (yes, we offered two kinds of batter choices, heavy or light) one order of fries one baked potato loaded (sour cream, butter, bacon, two kinds of cheese, chives). Any entree order in this particular restaurant came with the unlimited salad bar. Now, when I say "salad" what that really refers to is the bowl full of iceberg lettuce. Everything else even close to a vegetable on this bar is nutritionally nullified by the presence of some sort of mayo, sour cream, dressing, or other oil based product. The real gold medal, however, goes to the Chicken Dumpling soup. People would come from miles around with buckets...yes...buckets to get this soup to go. I have to admit that it was pretty fucking delicious...but frankly any soup that literally has a base of butter (you heard me right) would have to be pretty good. (Butter, chicken, chicken fat, bright yellow MSG chicken base from a can, heavy as hell dumplings-with more butter, celery and carrots) Back to the couple: so far we have fried chicken with heavy batter, fries, toppings with baked potato under it, ranch dressing with iceberg shavings under it, mayo based vegetable stuff, at least two bowls of that damn soup apiece.... And to drink: two Diet Cokes. OH, thank God you got Diet Coke, I was beginning to thing that you didn't care about your health at all. Thank you for restoring my faith in people...I'm off to church. Seriously....that's like 180 calories.... just go ahead and treat yourself and get the fucking regular Coke because it really doesn't matter at this point...in fact I will just bring you a cup of olive oil with sugar in it and you can down that with your meal. Diet Coke...seriously....sigh....if they had ordered water with a lemon in it I think I would have punched both of them....

Why me...

2007-11-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

Hello all you fellow slaves to the service industry! How are we doing? I wanted to let you know about a few specials we have tonight...oh...I mean...um...welcome!
I have been working in one form of the industry or another for roughly a decade now. I know that isn't really a long time, considering some people I know, but it feels like forever. I went to school for something completely different. However, I come from a long line of "retailists" and I guess it's something you cannot fight against if it's in your blood. Once you love it...you are in forever. Not that I always love it....hence the blog...but I'll get to that in a minute. Now, to clarify, I know that the term "service industry" tends to only mean working in restaurants, bars, coffeeshops, etc. I however, believe that retail, in all its forms, should also be included. I currently work in both forms and I find they are incredibly similar. Both provide a service, involve working with many different types of people, involve working on your feet most of the time, and also have a slew of irritants that you are forced to deal with on a daily basis. This is why I started this blog. In my days as a service slave I have compiled many, many, many stories of situations that I have found myself in at work. Be it interactions with customers, co-workers, the powers that be, or the building itself that I have the joy of working in. And as many of you must know...when you get together with others of the same occupation...the stories fly. They can go for hours, days...and they all ring of situations we have all been in. We as a people need a place to share these stories. Need to let off some steam? Had a bad day? Good day? A customer whose eccentricities need to be shared? A customer you wanted to kill but couldn't so you need to perform the literary equivalent? Here is your home. Have fun...have a nice day!